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How can I stop comparing myself to others with ADHD? 

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Updated
ByMy Patient Advice
Author: Victoria Rowe, MSc | Reviewed by: Dr. Rebecca Fernandez, MBBS

If you live with ADHD, it is easy to feel “behind” and measure yourself against people who seem to manage effortlessly. According to NHS guidance and NICE NG87, ADHD commonly affects planning, memory, and time management, and these long-term hurdles can erode confidence and fuel negative comparison. Reviews also link adult ADHD with lower self-esteem and emotional dysregulation, which can make setbacks feel personal and permanent (Frontiers in Psychiatry). 

Discover if you have ADHD

Why comparison hits harder with ADHD 

Research shows adults with ADHD often develop harsh self-beliefs after years of criticism or underachievement, and those beliefs interact with strong, fast-moving emotions (PLoS One). NHS materials and the Royal College of Psychiatrists note that this can cement a story of “less capable”, even when strengths are real and measurable (RCPsych overview). 

Evidence-based ways to dial down comparison 

ADHD-adapted CBT  

NICE recommends structured psychological interventions for adults with ongoing impairment, targeting thinking traps (all-or-nothing, “shoulds”), organisation, and emotion regulation (NICE NG87; supportive study: Frontiers in Psychiatry). 

Mindfulness/ACT and self-compassion 

Studies associate higher self-compassion with better mental health in ADHD. Mindfulness and acceptance skills help you notice comparison thoughts without fusing with them (J Clin Psychol). 

Psychoeducation & coaching  

NHS-aligned resources emphasise learning how ADHD shapes performance and emotions, then building practical strategies to reduce “I am behind” narratives (e.g., NHS Talking Therapies webinar). 

Medication (when indicated) 

 Stabilising core symptoms can make skills practice easier and small wins more frequently (NICE NG87). 

For behavioural, non-medication support that blends therapy-style skills with coaching, services like Theara Change are developing programmes focused on emotional regulation and self-acceptance (informational context only). 

Practical swaps you can use this week 

  • Turn “compare and despair” into “compare and learn”extract one observable tactic (not a judgement) you could test. 
  • Make like-for-like comparisons: compare who you are today with who you were last month, not with someone else who has a completely different brain and life. 
  • Set process goals (“write for 10 minutes”) rather than outcome goals (“finish perfectly”). 
  • Keep a strengths ledger: three tiny, concrete wins per day, proof that progress is happening. 

The takeaway 

Negative comparison is not a personal failing; it is a predictable pattern when ADHD meets perfectionism and fast emotions. With ADHD-adapted CBT or mindfulness/ACT, self-compassion, and good psychoeducation, you can shift from “I am behind” to “I am building” at a pace that fits your brain. 

Victoria Rowe, MSc
Author

Victoria Rowe is a health psychologist with a Master’s in Health Psychology and a BS in Applied Psychology. She has experience as a school psychologist, conducting behavioural assessments, developing individualized education plans (IEPs), and supporting children’s mental health. Dr. Rowe has contributed to peer-reviewed research on mental health, including studies on anxiety disorders and the impact of COVID-19 on healthcare systems. Skilled in SPSS, Minitab, and academic writing, she is committed to advancing psychological knowledge and promoting well-being through evidence-based practice.

All qualifications and professional experience stated above are authentic and verified by our editorial team. However, pseudonym and image likeness are used to protect the author's privacy. 

Dr. Rebecca Fernandez, MBBS
Reviewer

Dr. Rebecca Fernandez is a UK-trained physician with an MBBS and experience in general surgery, cardiology, internal medicine, gynecology, intensive care, and emergency medicine. She has managed critically ill patients, stabilised acute trauma cases, and provided comprehensive inpatient and outpatient care. In psychiatry, Dr. Fernandez has worked with psychotic, mood, anxiety, and substance use disorders, applying evidence-based approaches such as CBT, ACT, and mindfulness-based therapies. Her skills span patient assessment, treatment planning, and the integration of digital health solutions to support mental well-being.

All qualifications and professional experience stated above are authentic and verified by our editorial team. However, pseudonym and image likeness are used to protect the reviewer's privacy. 

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