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How does autism relate to understanding one’s own friendship needs? 

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Updated
ByMy Patient Advice
Author: Beatrice Holloway, MSc | Reviewed by: Dr. Rebecca Fernandez, MBBS

Many autistic people take longer to understand their friendship needs and preferences, not because they lack interest in social connection, but because they process relationships differently. Autism affects how people interpret social cues, manage sensory input, and reflect on emotions: all of which influence what feels safe and fulfilling in a friendship. 

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Why friendship needs may feel unclear 

Autistic self-awareness in friendships can be shaped by differences in social communication, emotional processing, and past experiences. 

According to the National Autistic Society, autistic communication tends to be more literal and direct, which can make it harder to recognise unspoken social rules or relational expectations. Some people may not realise until later in life what kinds of friendships truly meet their emotional or sensory needs. 

For example, an autistic person might enjoy deep one-to-one conversations but find large social groups draining. Without understanding this early on, they might push themselves into exhausting or mismatched friendships. 

Emotional awareness and sensory comfort 

Many autistic people experience alexithymia: difficulty identifying or describing emotions. This can make it harder to notice signs of loneliness, social fatigue, or emotional fulfilment in friendships. 

Recent research in Autism Research (2024) and Frontiers in Psychology (2025) found that autistic adults often develop strong social insight when supported by structured reflection, emotional vocabulary training, or therapy focused on self-understanding. 

Sensory preferences also play a key role, for instance, some people may prefer low-sensory, quiet meetups or online communication, which allow better emotional regulation and energy balance. 

NHS, NICE, and NAS recommendations 

Guidance from NICE CG142 (for adults) and NICE CG170 (for children and young people) emphasises supporting autistic individuals to identify personal strengths, sensory profiles, and social goals. 

The NHS England Autism Programme and NAS recommend: 

  • Using visual or written reflection tools to map what feels comfortable in friendships. 
  • Encouraging self-advocacy, communicating boundaries, and preferred social styles. 
  • Supporting exploration of different types of connection (e.g., shared interests, online groups, and small gatherings). 

In Plain English: Key Takeaways 

  • Autistic people may take time to understand what kinds of friendships feel right and that’s okay. 
  • Differences in emotional awareness and sensory comfort shape social preferences. 
  • Self-reflection, clear communication, and support from trusted people can help autistic individuals find friendships that are safe, balanced, and genuinely fulfilling. 

Beatrice Holloway, MSc
Author

Beatrice Holloway is a clinical psychologist with a Master’s in Clinical Psychology and a BS in Applied Psychology. She specialises in CBT, psychological testing, and applied behaviour therapy, working with children with autism spectrum disorder (ASD), developmental delays, and learning disabilities, as well as adults with bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, anxiety, OCD, and substance use disorders. Holloway creates personalised treatment plans to support emotional regulation, social skills, and academic progress in children, and delivers evidence-based therapy to improve mental health and well-being across all ages.

All qualifications and professional experience stated above are authentic and verified by our editorial team. However, pseudonym and image likeness are used to protect the author's privacy.

Dr. Rebecca Fernandez, MBBS
Reviewer

Dr. Rebecca Fernandez is a UK-trained physician with an MBBS and experience in general surgery, cardiology, internal medicine, gynecology, intensive care, and emergency medicine. She has managed critically ill patients, stabilised acute trauma cases, and provided comprehensive inpatient and outpatient care. In psychiatry, Dr. Fernandez has worked with psychotic, mood, anxiety, and substance use disorders, applying evidence-based approaches such as CBT, ACT, and mindfulness-based therapies. Her skills span patient assessment, treatment planning, and the integration of digital health solutions to support mental well-being.

All qualifications and professional experience stated above are authentic and verified by our editorial team. However, pseudonym and image likeness are used to protect the reviewer's privacy. 

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