How does autism influence knowing what constitutes a “good friend”? 

Autistic people often think about friendship in ways that differ from neurotypical expectations. Many value honesty, shared interests, reliability, and loyalty more than emotional expressiveness or frequent contact. Understanding what makes a “good friend” can be shaped by differences in social communication, emotional awareness, and life experience. 

Recent research (2023–2025) shows that while autistic people deeply value connection, they may need explicit communication and consistent behaviour from friends to feel secure and understood. 

Different perspectives on friendship 

The National Autistic Society notes that autistic friendships often centre on shared interests and honesty, rather than unspoken social rituals. For example, someone might show care by helping with a project or remembering details about a friend’s favourite topic, not necessarily through small talk or emotional reassurance. 

Studies in Autism Research (2024) found that autistic adults often judge friendship quality by trustworthiness and respect for boundaries, rather than social frequency or group belonging. This difference can lead to misunderstandings if friends expect more emotional disclosure or spontaneous communication. 

Communication and social learning differences 

Autistic people tend to interpret social cues literally, so abstract concepts like “being there for someone” or “showing support” may need a clearer definition. According to NICE guidance (CG142), providing explicit teaching and discussion around social understanding can help autistic people recognise healthy versus one-sided friendships. 

Because feedback from others is often inconsistent or indirect, some autistic people develop their own frameworks for friendship, focusing on fairness, honesty, and shared enjoyment over social status or popularity. 

Emotional awareness and self-reflection 

Many autistic people also experience alexithymia: difficulty identifying or describing emotions, which can affect how they interpret friendship dynamics. Research in Frontiers in Psychology (2025) found that autistic adults often understand friendship best through logical reflection and lived experience rather than intuition. 

Over time, self-awareness grows when individuals have opportunities to build relationships in safe, structured, and accepting environments where honesty and directness are welcomed. 

NHS, NICE, and NAS guidance 

• The NHS and NICE recommend structured social learning support to develop understanding of social boundaries, consent, and reciprocity. 

• The National Autistic Society highlights that many autistic people are excellent friends when mutual expectations are openly discussed. 

• Clinicians are encouraged to support strength-based approaches, helping autistic people define “good friendship” according to their own authentic values. 

In Plain English: Key Takeaways 

• Autistic people often define friendship by trust, honesty, and shared interests rather than frequency or emotional talk. 

• Differences in communication and emotional awareness may make friendship expectations less intuitive. 

• Open conversations about needs and boundaries build understanding and stronger, more equal relationships.