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What role does self-compassion play in ADHD memory struggles? 

Posted
Updated
ByMy Patient Advice
Author: Phoebe Carter, MSc | Reviewed by: Dr. Rebecca Fernandez, MBBS

If you live with ADHD, forgetting things can trigger more than frustration; it can spark guilt, shame, and self-doubt. According to NHS guidance on managing emotional wellbeing in ADHD (2024), these feelings are common but misplaced. ADHD-related forgetfulness stems from executive dysfunction, not effort or care. That’s where self-compassion can make a meaningful difference. 

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Why ADHD forgetfulness feels personal 

The Royal College of Psychiatrists (2023) explains that repeated forgetfulness or disorganisation can fuel shame and perfectionism, leading people to interpret their symptoms as signs of weakness. Over time, this cycle undermines confidence and emotional balance. 

The NICE Guideline NG87 (2023 update) recommends psychological therapies such as CBT, mindfulness, and compassion-focused therapy (CFT) to address this emotional burden. These approaches teach people to reframe memory lapses as neurological, not moral, reducing guilt and promoting self-acceptance. 

What research says about self-compassion and ADHD 

A 2023 study in Frontiers in Psychology found that adults with ADHD who practised mindfulness and self-compassion therapy reported less shame and frustration, alongside improvements in working memory and confidence. By replacing self-criticism with understanding, they became more resilient and motivated to use supportive tools, from planners to reminders, effectively. 

A Lancet Psychiatry review (2022) similarly found that compassion-focused therapies and CBT help reduce perfectionism and emotional distress, while increasing self-efficacy and psychological flexibility, key traits for managing ADHD forgetfulness. Self-compassion allows people to learn from lapses rather than spiral into self-blame. 

How to practise self-compassion with ADHD 

NHS and RCPsych experts recommend small, daily practices to build self-compassion and resilience: 

  • Pause before judging: When you forget something, acknowledge it without attacking yourself. 
  • Reframe the cause: Remind yourself that ADHD affects working memory; it’s not carelessness. 
  • Use structure as support, not punishment: Routines, reminders, and lists are tools of kindness. 
  • Practise mindfulness: Grounding exercises help regulate frustration and guilt. 
  • Seek guided help: Therapies such as CBT, CFT, or ADHD coaching can strengthen these skills over time. 

Private services such as ADHD Certify provide structured coaching and therapy that integrate self-compassion practices with executive function support, helping adults manage forgetfulness and rebuild emotional confidence. 

The takeaway 

Self-compassion doesn’t excuse ADHD forgetfulness, it transforms how you handle it. When you replace guilt with understanding, you create space for growth, motivation, and peace of mind. Forgetting is part of ADHD; forgiving yourself is part of healing. 

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Phoebe Carter, MSc
Author

Phoebe Carter is a clinical psychologist with a Master’s in Clinical Psychology and a Bachelor’s in Applied Psychology. She has experience working with both children and adults, conducting psychological assessments, developing individualized treatment plans, and delivering evidence-based therapies. Phoebe specialises in neurodevelopmental conditions such as autism spectrum disorder (ASD), ADHD, and learning disabilities, as well as mood, anxiety, psychotic, and personality disorders. She is skilled in CBT, behaviour modification, ABA, and motivational interviewing, and is dedicated to providing compassionate, evidence-based mental health care to individuals of all ages.

All qualifications and professional experience stated above are authentic and verified by our editorial team. However, pseudonym and image likeness are used to protect the author's privacy. 

Dr. Rebecca Fernandez, MBBS
Reviewer

Dr. Rebecca Fernandez is a UK-trained physician with an MBBS and experience in general surgery, cardiology, internal medicine, gynecology, intensive care, and emergency medicine. She has managed critically ill patients, stabilised acute trauma cases, and provided comprehensive inpatient and outpatient care. In psychiatry, Dr. Fernandez has worked with psychotic, mood, anxiety, and substance use disorders, applying evidence-based approaches such as CBT, ACT, and mindfulness-based therapies. Her skills span patient assessment, treatment planning, and the integration of digital health solutions to support mental well-being.

All qualifications and professional experience stated above are authentic and verified by our editorial team. However, pseudonym and image likeness are used to protect the reviewer's privacy. 

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