Author: Avery Lombardi, MSc | Reviewed by: Dr. Rebecca Fernandez, MBBS
Many adults with ADHD describe a constant sense of not meeting the expectations of others, or even their own. According to NHS England, long waits for assessment and limited access to support can intensify self-doubt and make people feel as though they are falling behind in work, relationships, or daily responsibilities. These pressures often stem from ADHD-related challenges, not a lack of effort or ability.
Why expectations feel harder to meet with ADHD
Executive functioning difficulties can make everyday tasks feel more demanding. The latest NICE NG87 guideline explains that planning, organisation, motivation, and emotional regulation are all affected in ADHD, which can lead to missed deadlines or inconsistent performance. A 2024 study in BMJ Open found that adults with ADHD commonly experience low self-esteem and heightened sensitivity to perceived failure, which can fuel the feeling of underachievement (BMJ Open study).
Strategies that can help shift this pattern
Charities such as Mind UK recommend breaking tasks into manageable steps, setting realistic expectations, and practising self-compassion to reduce performance pressure. The Royal College of Psychiatrists supports psychological interventions such as CBT to help adults challenge unhelpful beliefs about “not being good enough” and build confidence.
Key Takeaway
Feeling like you’re not living up to expectations is a recognised experience for many adults with ADHD. These feelings are typically linked to the condition itself, not your value or potential. With the right support and strategies, it’s possible to feel more capable, grounded, and in control of your path forward.
Avery Lombardi, MSc
Author
Avery Lombardi is a clinical psychologist with a Master’s in Clinical Psychology and a Bachelor’s in Psychology. She has professional experience in psychological assessment, evidence-based therapy, and research, working with both child and adult populations. Avery has provided clinical services in hospital, educational, and community settings, delivering interventions such as CBT, DBT, and tailored treatment plans for conditions including anxiety, depression, and developmental disorders. She has also contributed to research on self-stigma, self-esteem, and medication adherence in psychotic patients, and has created educational content on ADHD, treatment options, and daily coping strategies.
All qualifications and professional experience stated above are authentic and verified by our editorial team. However, pseudonym and image likeness are used to protect the author's privacy.
Dr. Rebecca Fernandez, MBBS
Reviewer
Dr. Rebecca Fernandez is a UK-trained physician with an MBBS and experience in general surgery, cardiology, internal medicine, gynecology, intensive care, and emergency medicine. She has managed critically ill patients, stabilised acute trauma cases, and provided comprehensive inpatient and outpatient care. In psychiatry, Dr. Fernandez has worked with psychotic, mood, anxiety, and substance use disorders, applying evidence-based approaches such as CBT, ACT, and mindfulness-based therapies. Her skills span patient assessment, treatment planning, and the integration of digital health solutions to support mental well-being.
All qualifications and professional experience stated above are authentic and verified by our editorial team. However, pseudonym and image likeness are used to protect the reviewer's privacy.
