How does frustration intolerance impact marriage in ADHD? 

Frustration intolerance is one of the most challenging emotional features of ADHD, especially within long-term relationships and marriage. It describes a reduced ability to tolerate setbacks, misunderstandings, or changes in plans, often leading to irritability, impatience, or emotional outbursts. According to NICE guidance NG87 (2025), these reactions are not character flaws but part of the emotional dysregulation that can accompany adult ADHD. 

When frustration escalates during conflict, it can damage communication and trust between partners. Adults with ADHD may feel overwhelmed by emotion in the moment and then guilty or ashamed afterwards. The Royal College of Psychiatrists (RCPsych, 2023) notes that this pattern often leads to repetitive cycles of argument, remorse, and withdrawal, a sequence that can erode relationship satisfaction if left unaddressed (RCPsych: ADHD in Adults). 

Understanding frustration intolerance in relationships 

In marriages where one or both partners have ADHD, frustration can arise from executive functioning difficulties such as forgetfulness, poor time management, or task switching. These challenges can make small disagreements feel larger than they are. The Devon Partnership NHS Trust (2025) highlights that emotional triggers in ADHD often lead to overreactions followed by withdrawal, creating cycles of tension and disconnection (Devon Partnership NHS Trust ADHD Guide). 

How therapy and coaching improve emotional balance 

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) helps adults recognise thought patterns that amplify frustration, while Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) teaches strategies for emotional control and communication repair. NICE recommends combining therapy with psychoeducation so that both partners can better understand ADHD traits and reduce blame during conflict. Coaching and mindfulness-based approaches can also support adults in learning pause techniques, emotional resets, and practical coping routines that strengthen patience and empathy. 

Key takeaway 

Frustration intolerance can quietly undermine even the strongest relationships, but it is both understandable and treatable. With evidence-based interventions such as CBT, DBT, and partner psychoeducation, couples can learn to recognise emotional triggers early, regulate their reactions, and rebuild trust through compassion and understanding.

Harriet Winslow, BSc

Author

Harriet Winslow is a clinical psychologist with a Bachelor’s in Clinical Psychology and extensive experience in behaviour therapy and developmental disorders. She has worked with children and adolescents with ADHD, autism spectrum disorder (ASD), learning disabilities, and behavioural challenges, providing individual and group therapy using evidence-based approaches such as CBT and DBT. Dr. Winslow has developed and implemented personalised treatment plans, conducted formal and informal assessments, and delivered crisis intervention for clients in need of urgent mental health care. Her expertise spans assessment, treatment planning, and behavioural intervention for both neurodevelopmental and mental health conditions.

All qualifications and professional experience stated above are authentic and verified by our editorial team. However, pseudonym and image likeness are used to protect the author's privacy.

Dr. Rebecca Fernandez, MBBS

Reviewer

Dr. Rebecca Fernandez is a UK-trained physician with an MBBS and experience in general surgery, cardiology, internal medicine, gynecology, intensive care, and emergency medicine. She has managed critically ill patients, stabilised acute trauma cases, and provided comprehensive inpatient and outpatient care. In psychiatry, Dr. Fernandez has worked with psychotic, mood, anxiety, and substance use disorders, applying evidence-based approaches such as CBT, ACT, and mindfulness-based therapies. Her skills span patient assessment, treatment planning, and the integration of digital health solutions to support mental well-being.

All qualifications and professional experience stated above are authentic and verified by our editorial team. However, pseudonym and image likeness are used to protect the reviewer's privacy.