Why do ADHD adults feel guilty about forgetfulness?

PostedOctober 31, 2025

UpdatedNovember 5, 2025

ByMy Patient Advice

Author: Harriet Winslow, BSc | Reviewed by: Dr. Rebecca Fernandez, MBBS

Forgetfulness is one of the most common and misunderstood experiences for adults with ADHD. Missing appointments, misplacing items, or struggling to keep on top of daily tasks can trigger strong feelings of guilt and frustration. According to NICE ADHD guidance NG87 (2025), forgetfulness and disorganisation are core symptoms of executive dysfunction, a neurological difficulty that affects memory, time perception, and planning, not a reflection of laziness or lack of care.

When adults are repeatedly criticised for these patterns, they often internalise those messages, believing they are personally at fault. Over time, this leads to chronic self-blame and shame, even when individuals try their best to stay organised. Research from 2023 to 2025 confirms that guilt is not just emotional but cognitive, it arises from misunderstanding how ADHD affects the brain’s regulation systems.

Understanding forgetfulness and self-blame in ADHD

Adults with ADHD often have difficulty managing working memory and sustaining attention. The Royal College of Psychiatrists (RCPsych, 2024) explains that executive function deficits make it harder to remember steps, track time, and organise tasks, especially under stress. These repeated lapses can erode self-confidence and contribute to emotional exhaustion. Therapy helps adults recognise that these patterns are neurological, not moral, and builds a healthier sense of self-understanding.

Why guilt becomes so strong

Forgetfulness is often mistaken for carelessness, especially in workplaces or relationships where reliability is highly valued. This misunderstanding can lead to feelings of failure or inadequacy. Many adults report overcompensating, trying to appear “on top of things,” which only reinforces the guilt when memory slips happen again. This cycle can make everyday life feel like a constant test of self-worth.

How therapy and coaching can help

According to the Mayo Clinic (2023), Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and ADHD coaching help adults externalise memory demands, restructure self-critical thoughts, and build systems that reduce forgetfulness. Therapy encourages self-compassion and realistic expectations, while practical strategies like reminders, visual cues, and structured routines that help restore confidence and consistency.

Key takeaway

Guilt about forgetfulness is one of the most emotionally draining aspects of adult ADHD, yet it is entirely treatable. Understanding that these challenges come from how the brain manages memory and time, not from personal failure, can help adults replace guilt with awareness, self-compassion, and effective strategies for everyday life.

Harriet Winslow, BSc

Author

Harriet Winslow is a clinical psychologist with a Bachelor’s in Clinical Psychology and extensive experience in behaviour therapy and developmental disorders. She has worked with children and adolescents with ADHD, autism spectrum disorder (ASD), learning disabilities, and behavioural challenges, providing individual and group therapy using evidence-based approaches such as CBT and DBT. Dr. Winslow has developed and implemented personalised treatment plans, conducted formal and informal assessments, and delivered crisis intervention for clients in need of urgent mental health care. Her expertise spans assessment, treatment planning, and behavioural intervention for both neurodevelopmental and mental health conditions.

All qualifications and professional experience stated above are authentic and verified by our editorial team. However, pseudonym and image likeness are used to protect the author's privacy.

Dr. Rebecca Fernandez, MBBS

Reviewer

Dr. Rebecca Fernandez is a UK-trained physician with an MBBS and experience in general surgery, cardiology, internal medicine, gynecology, intensive care, and emergency medicine. She has managed critically ill patients, stabilised acute trauma cases, and provided comprehensive inpatient and outpatient care. In psychiatry, Dr. Fernandez has worked with psychotic, mood, anxiety, and substance use disorders, applying evidence-based approaches such as CBT, ACT, and mindfulness-based therapies. Her skills span patient assessment, treatment planning, and the integration of digital health solutions to support mental well-being.

All qualifications and professional experience stated above are authentic and verified by our editorial team. However, pseudonym and image likeness are used to protect the reviewer's privacy.