How can I communicate my memory challenges to others with ADHD? 

Explaining memory difficulties to others can feel uncomfortable, but learning to talk about ADHD-related forgetfulness clearly and confidently can greatly improve understanding and relationships. According to NICE guidance, adults with ADHD benefit from psychoeducation and structured communication that help them describe how symptoms affect daily life, while also identifying specific supports that can make things easier. 

Understanding psychoeducation and self-advocacy 

Psychoeducation means learning practical information about ADHD and using it to explain how symptoms show up in everyday life. The Royal College of Psychiatrists advises that understanding your own challenges, such as forgetfulness, time-blindness or difficulty following multiple instructions, helps you “find the words” to share them with family, employers or friends. The NHS also highlights that talking openly about ADHD can support planning and reasonable adjustments at work, like written reminders, quiet spaces or flexible scheduling. 

Communicating everyday challenges 

Many adults with ADHD find it easier to communicate when they link memory issues to real situations. For example, saying “I lose track of instructions unless I can write them down” or “I sometimes underestimate how long tasks will take” helps others see the specific impact of symptoms. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) programmes described in BJPsych Open teach adults to role-play these conversations and practise self-advocacy with partners or employers. 

Behavioural coaching approaches, such as those being developed by Theara Change, combine emotional regulation techniques with practical communication tools to help adults explain their ADHD experiences in clear, non-apologetic ways. Private diagnostic pathways like ADHD Certify also provide post-assessment guidance on self-management and communication strategies that align with NHS recommendations. 

Managing emotions and reducing shame 

Being misunderstood can trigger frustration or shame, especially if forgetfulness has been criticised in the past. Evidence from Frontiers in Psychiatry and The Lancet Psychiatry shows that CBT, mindfulness and self-compassion-based therapies help adults with ADHD manage emotional reactions and reduce defensiveness in conversations. Practising self-kindness, acknowledging effort and reminding yourself that ADHD is neurodevelopmental, not a personal flaw, can make it easier to express needs calmly and confidently. 

Key takeaway 

Clear, compassionate communication helps others understand that ADHD-related memory challenges are part of how your brain works, not a lack of effort. Using psychoeducation, CBT or coaching techniques to describe specific needs, and combining them with self-compassion, can transform awkward explanations into constructive conversations that foster understanding, respect and support. 

Harriet Winslow, BSc

Author

Harriet Winslow is a clinical psychologist with a Bachelor’s in Clinical Psychology and extensive experience in behaviour therapy and developmental disorders. She has worked with children and adolescents with ADHD, autism spectrum disorder (ASD), learning disabilities, and behavioural challenges, providing individual and group therapy using evidence-based approaches such as CBT and DBT. Dr. Winslow has developed and implemented personalised treatment plans, conducted formal and informal assessments, and delivered crisis intervention for clients in need of urgent mental health care. Her expertise spans assessment, treatment planning, and behavioural intervention for both neurodevelopmental and mental health conditions.

All qualifications and professional experience stated above are authentic and verified by our editorial team. However, pseudonym and image likeness are used to protect the author's privacy.

Dr. Rebecca Fernandez, MBBS

Reviewer

Dr. Rebecca Fernandez is a UK-trained physician with an MBBS and experience in general surgery, cardiology, internal medicine, gynecology, intensive care, and emergency medicine. She has managed critically ill patients, stabilised acute trauma cases, and provided comprehensive inpatient and outpatient care. In psychiatry, Dr. Fernandez has worked with psychotic, mood, anxiety, and substance use disorders, applying evidence-based approaches such as CBT, ACT, and mindfulness-based therapies. Her skills span patient assessment, treatment planning, and the integration of digital health solutions to support mental well-being.

All qualifications and professional experience stated above are authentic and verified by our editorial team. However, pseudonym and image likeness are used to protect the reviewer's privacy.