How does autism influence maintaining friendship during life transitions?

PostedDecember 22, 2025

UpdatedDecember 22, 2025

ByMy Patient Advice

Author: Beatrice Holloway, MSc | Reviewed by: Dr. Rebecca Fernandez, MBBS

Life transitions, such as starting school, changing jobs, moving house, or entering adulthood, can be challenging for everyone. However, for autistic people, these transitions often have a deeper emotional and sensory impact. Research and NHS guidance show that changes in environment, structure, and routine can disrupt social connections and make maintaining friendships more difficult without tailored support.

Recent UK and international research (2023–2025) highlight that differences in social communication, executive functioning, and emotional regulation mean autistic people may need more time, predictability, and reassurance to adapt while keeping friendships stable.

Why transitions can affect autistic friendships

Autistic people often prefer consistency and predictability, which help them feel safe and organised. Life transitions, like finishing school or changing workplaces, can break these routines and shift the social landscape.

The National Autistic Society explains that transitions can cause anxiety because they involve new people, new expectations, and uncertainty about social norms. These changes may interrupt established friendship routines, especially if contact patterns or shared environments (like school or clubs) change.

A 2023 study in Frontiers in Psychiatry found that many autistic adults experience emotional fatigue and difficulty sustaining friendships during major transitions, particularly when structure or shared context is lost. This is often linked to executive functioning demands (e.g., planning, remembering to stay in touch) and the emotional energy needed for social adaptation.

Cognitive and emotional factors

1. Executive functioning and communication

Transitions demand planning, organisation, and flexible thinking in all areas that can be challenging in autism. Autistic individuals may forget to message friends, misinterpret social distance, or feel unsure about how often to reach out in new contexts.

Direct communication helps. Saying “I still want to stay in touch, can we schedule a time to meet?” is often more effective than assuming friendship maintenance will happen naturally.

2. Intolerance of uncertainty

Autistic people frequently experience intolerance of uncertainty, a heightened stress response when routines change unexpectedly. This can make new stages of university life, job changes, moving, and emotionally draining. The NHS England Sensory-Friendly Resource Pack (2023) confirms that predictability supports stability and reduces social withdrawal during transitions.

3. Emotional regulation and social energy

Transitions often increase sensory and emotional load. As the Leicestershire Partnership NHS notes, autistic people may experience social fatigue or even burnout after significant change. This can temporarily reduce their ability to engage in friendships, even if they value them deeply.

Common challenges in maintaining friendships

Environmental change: Leaving shared physical spaces (e.g. school, club) can reduce natural social contact.

Routine disruption: If communication habits change (e.g., daily chats stop), some autistic people may not know how or when to reconnect.

Different communication expectations: Autistic people may interpret reduced contact as loss of friendship, while others see it as normal fluctuation.

Emotional overload: Adjusting to new routines can leave little mental energy for social upkeep.

A 2024 paper in Autism Research found that autistic adults often maintain friendships best through shared interests, structured activities, and online communication, where control over timing and sensory input is greater.

NHS, NICE, and NAS recommendations

Guidelines from NICE CG142 (adults) and NICE CG170 (under 19s) emphasise the importance of structured, person-centred transition support. These include:

Clear, advance communication about changes.

Maintaining consistent contact with known peers or mentors.

Building predictable social routines (e.g., regular meet-ups, check-ins).

Using visual aids, written plans, or reminders to support communication.

Encouraging interest-based friendships, which are more resilient across transitions.

The National Autistic Society also recommend direct discussion of how to maintain friendships (“Would you like to text once a week?”), which can reduce misunderstandings.

Practical strategies for autistic people and friends

Create structure using shared calendars or reminders to maintain regular communication.

Agree expectations clarify how and when to stay in touch after a change (e.g., weekly calls, online groups).

Prioritise sensory comfort to meet in calm environments during stressful transitions.

Reassuring and communicating remind autistic friends that you still value friendship, even if circumstances shift.

Seek support schools, universities, and employers can implement autism transition plans under NHS and NICE guidance.

The NHS England Autism Programme (2023) and National Strategy for Autistic People (2021–2026) both stress the need for reasonable adjustments during key life changes to prevent isolation and maintain wellbeing.

Consensus and evidence gaps

There is a strong consensus that autistic people need structured, predictable support during life transitions to maintain friendships and emotional wellbeing. Friendship loss or disruption is not due to lack of interest; it often stems from energy limits, executive functioning differences, or unclear communication.

Ongoing research is exploring how digital tools, peer mentoring, and co-designed interventions can help autistic people preserve social connections during major changes, especially adulthood and employment transitions.

In Plain English: Key Takeaways

Change can make friendships harder for autistic people because routines, energy levels, and communication patterns shift.

Clear communication and predictable routines help keep friendships stable.

Friends and professionals can help by planning ahead, staying consistent, and offering reassurance during life transitions.

With the right support, autistic people can maintain long-lasting, fulfilling friendships through every stage of life.

Beatrice Holloway, MSc

Author

Beatrice Holloway is a clinical psychologist with a Master’s in Clinical Psychology and a BS in Applied Psychology. She specialises in CBT, psychological testing, and applied behaviour therapy, working with children with autism spectrum disorder (ASD), developmental delays, and learning disabilities, as well as adults with bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, anxiety, OCD, and substance use disorders. Holloway creates personalised treatment plans to support emotional regulation, social skills, and academic progress in children, and delivers evidence-based therapy to improve mental health and well-being across all ages.

All qualifications and professional experience stated above are authentic and verified by our editorial team. However, pseudonym and image likeness are used to protect the author's privacy.

Dr. Rebecca Fernandez, MBBS

Reviewer

Dr. Rebecca Fernandez is a UK-trained physician with an MBBS and experience in general surgery, cardiology, internal medicine, gynecology, intensive care, and emergency medicine. She has managed critically ill patients, stabilised acute trauma cases, and provided comprehensive inpatient and outpatient care. In psychiatry, Dr. Fernandez has worked with psychotic, mood, anxiety, and substance use disorders, applying evidence-based approaches such as CBT, ACT, and mindfulness-based therapies. Her skills span patient assessment, treatment planning, and the integration of digital health solutions to support mental well-being.

All qualifications and professional experience stated above are authentic and verified by our editorial team. However, pseudonym and image likeness are used to protect the reviewer's privacy.