How does autism influence others’ expectations in friendships?
Autistic and non-autistic people often use different communication styles, rhythms and social norms, and these differences strongly shape what others expect in a friendship. According to NICE guidance, many autistic adults experience challenges in reciprocal interaction and non-verbal communication, not because they lack interest, but because social cues and expectations are often designed around neurotypical norms. When peers interpret these differences through a non-autistic lens, expectations can become mismatched, leading to strain, misunderstandings, or pressure to mask.
How people expect communication to look
Many non-autistic people expect eye contact, rapid back-and-forth conversation, and expressive non-verbal cues. NHS communication guidance notes that autistic people may use eye contact differently, prefer literal language, or need more processing time: all of which are easily misread as disinterest or distance. NHS clinical guidance recommends dropping assumptions that “good communication” must follow neurotypical norms and instead encouraging flexible, clearer styles that suit both partners.
Different expectations around closeness and contact
Evidence from a 2025 scoping review of autistic adults’ friendships shows that many autistic people prefer smaller friendship circles, more space between social events, and activity-focused connection rather than constant emotional sharing. These preferences often conflict with expectations that friends should communicate frequently or be socially spontaneous. Without awareness, non-autistic friends may interpret these patterns as lack of interest, even when the relationship is valued.
The “invisible work” autistic people do to meet expectations
The National Autistic Society highlights that many autistic people work hard to monitor their behaviour, keep up with small-talk rules and mask traits to meet others’ expectations. While this can smooth interactions, research on camouflaging shows that it is emotionally exhausting and can reduce authenticity within friendships. When expectations are unspoken or rigid, autistic people may feel pressure to perform rather than relax into the relationship.
Mutual misunderstanding and the double empathy problem
Guidance summarising the double empathy problem shows that misunderstandings in mixed autistic–non-autistic friendships often arise because each partner expects different communication norms. Autistic–autistic friendships tend to feel smoother because expectations align more naturally. This supports viewing friendship challenges as mutual differences, not deficits.
Why explicit expectations support healthier friendships
When expectations such as how often to meet, how to communicate, or how to show care are discussed openly, relationships become more supportive on both sides. NICE and National Autistic Society guidance both emphasise the value of direct communication, predictable routines, and respecting differences in social energy.
Takeaway
Autism influences others’ expectations in friendships by highlighting where social norms differ in communication style, closeness, reciprocity, and emotional expression. Misunderstandings arise when non-autistic expectations are treated as the default. But when friends understand these differences, adjust expectations and communicate openly, autistic-non-autistic friendships can become more comfortable, authentic and mutually rewarding.
