How does autism influence the ability to resolve conflicts in friendships?

PostedDecember 22, 2025

UpdatedDecember 22, 2025

ByMy Patient Advice

Author: Beatrice Holloway, MSc | Reviewed by: Dr. Rebecca Fernandez, MBBS

Conflict is a normal part of friendship but for many autistic people, resolving disagreements can feel especially challenging. According to the National Autistic Society, differences in communication style, emotional regulation, and sensory sensitivity all influence how autistic people experience and manage conflict.

These challenges don’t reflect a lack of empathy or care rather; they stem from how the autistic brain processes communication and emotion differently.

Communication and emotional regulation

Autistic people often use clear, literal language and may miss subtle cues like tone or sarcasm, which can lead to misunderstandings. The Newcastle Hospitals NHS Trust notes that this can make it harder to recognise when someone is upset or to interpret indirect feedback.

When emotional stress or sensory overload occurs, communication may temporarily break down. The Leicestershire Partnership NHS Trust explains that overload can trigger shutdowns (withdrawal or silence) or meltdowns (visible distress), both of which can make resolving issues in the moment difficult.

Sensory and situational stress

Loud, unpredictable, or emotionally charged environments often make conflict more overwhelming. The Wakefield District Health and Care Partnership highlights that noise, movement, or sudden confrontation can heighten anxiety, causing avoidance rather than open discussion.

Literal interpretation can also cause confusion, for example, taking a figurative comment at face value. Clarifying meaning and keeping communication calm and direct can prevent misunderstandings from escalating.

What guidance and evidence show helps

The NICE autism guidelines for adults (CG142) and for under-19s (CG170) recommend teaching structured communication and emotional regulation skills to help autistic people navigate social conflict.

Effective strategies include:

Using social stories or visual scripts to rehearse how to apologise, compromise, or repair misunderstandings.

Discussing issues in a quiet, sensory-friendly space after both people have had time to calm down.

Having a trusted person mediate conversations or clarify intent when needed.

Training friends and peers to communicate clearly, patiently, and without sarcasm or ambiguity.

Structured group or interest-based activities can also promote understanding and help build mutual trust, making conflict less stressful when it arises.

A reassuring takeaway

Autistic people can and do build strong, lasting friendships, but conflict resolution may need to look a little different. With patience, direct communication, and supportive environments, disagreements can become opportunities for understanding rather than breakdown. As NHS guidance and NICE emphasise, clarity, structure, and emotional support are the keys to helping autistic people manage conflict confidently and compassionately.

Beatrice Holloway, MSc

Author

Beatrice Holloway is a clinical psychologist with a Master’s in Clinical Psychology and a BS in Applied Psychology. She specialises in CBT, psychological testing, and applied behaviour therapy, working with children with autism spectrum disorder (ASD), developmental delays, and learning disabilities, as well as adults with bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, anxiety, OCD, and substance use disorders. Holloway creates personalised treatment plans to support emotional regulation, social skills, and academic progress in children, and delivers evidence-based therapy to improve mental health and well-being across all ages.

All qualifications and professional experience stated above are authentic and verified by our editorial team. However, pseudonym and image likeness are used to protect the author's privacy.

Dr. Rebecca Fernandez, MBBS

Reviewer

Dr. Rebecca Fernandez is a UK-trained physician with an MBBS and experience in general surgery, cardiology, internal medicine, gynecology, intensive care, and emergency medicine. She has managed critically ill patients, stabilised acute trauma cases, and provided comprehensive inpatient and outpatient care. In psychiatry, Dr. Fernandez has worked with psychotic, mood, anxiety, and substance use disorders, applying evidence-based approaches such as CBT, ACT, and mindfulness-based therapies. Her skills span patient assessment, treatment planning, and the integration of digital health solutions to support mental well-being.

All qualifications and professional experience stated above are authentic and verified by our editorial team. However, pseudonym and image likeness are used to protect the reviewer's privacy.