How Does Misunderstanding about Autism Lead to Friendship Conflicts? 

Misunderstandings about autism can create tension, confusion or unintentional conflict in friendships, not because autistic people are less interested in connection, but because differences in communication, sensory needs and social expectations are often misinterpreted. Evidence from NICE, the NHS, and major autism charities shows that misunderstandings arise from both sides, and thoughtful adjustments can prevent many conflicts. 

Different communication styles are often misread 

Autistic people may use eye contact, facial expressions, body language, or conversational pacing differently from non-autistic friends. NICE CG142 explains that these differences can affect reciprocal conversation, which may be mistaken for disinterest, rudeness or emotional distance. 

The National Autistic Society notes that when friends interpret literal communication or reduced facial expression negatively, it can lead to hurt feelings on both sides, even though no offence was intended. 

Unspoken social rules can create confusion 

Many autistic people find implicit friendship expectations harder to read, such as how often to message, how quickly to reply, when to initiate plans, or how much emotional disclosure is expected. When these unwritten rules aren’t clear, friends may assume avoidance or lack of interest. 

Guidance for schools and families highlights this as a major source of conflict, recommending explicit communication and shared expectations (see NAS guidance on making friends). 

Sensory overload can look like withdrawal 

Bright lights, noise, crowds or unexpected changes can create distress or shut down for autistic people. NHS sensory-processing guidance shows that withdrawal in these moments is often a coping strategy, not avoidance of friends. 

Without awareness of sensory needs, friends may misinterpret this as rejection, leading to unnecessary conflict. 

First-impression bias affects early friendships 

A systematic review found that non-autistic observers often form less favourable first impressions of autistic people based on brief interactions, particularly when they are unfamiliar with autistic communication (see First Impressions Systematic Review). 

This can shape early dynamics, for example, expecting a friend to be more expressive, quicker to respond, or more emotionally demonstrative than feels natural for an autistic person. 

Fear of judgement can increase masking and burnout 

Many autistic people mask by copying social behaviours, forcing eye contact or hiding their needs to avoid conflict or misunderstanding. However, research shows that masking increases stress, anxiety, and exhaustion over time (see Camouflaging in Autism: Systematic Review). 

This can lead to friendship strain: masking helps avoid conflict short term, but long-term it reduces authenticity and can cause withdrawal or burnout. 

The “double empathy problem” explains mutual misunderstanding 

Autistic–autistic friendships are often smooth, but mixed autistic–non-autistic friendships face more misunderstandings. According to NHS -linked guidance summarising double-empathy research, both sides misread each other’s communication style, meaning conflicts arise not from autistic deficits but mutual differences (see Understanding Autistic Social Interaction – Newcastle Hospitals). 

When both friends learn about each other’s social styles, conflict usually decreases. 

Takeaway 

Friendship conflicts often arise not from lack of interest, but from misunderstandings about autistic communication, sensory needs, and social expectations. When friends use clear language, check assumptions, and understand each other’s differences, relationships become more stable, respectful, and sustainable for everyone involved.